The War Against Hussain
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He makes decisions without consulting his country. He has let his people down time and time again. Without action his reign of terror could continue....

.....and he can't bat to save his life.

This is why the USA and Britain have declared war on England Test Captain Nasser Hussain - and about time!

As England Crash Out of The World Cup, Nasser Hussain Resigned As 1 Day Captain After Years of Terror

As Hussain Arrives Back in Essex After Resigning, He Is Confronted With Some Harsh Words From George W Bush

"As Great Britain's Greatest Allies, We Cannot Sit By And Let Hussain Run The Test Team Down To The Ground As He Did With The 1-Day Team. We Will Act, And We Will Destroy"

After An Official Dossier Was Issued, Nasser Hussain Went Live On Sky Sports News TO Publicly Say "Dossier, What Bloody Dossier. Oh This One, It's Complete B****cks."

In Response To This, Bush and Blair Officially Declare War On Nasser Hussain and The City of Chelmsford. Bush Takes Over The Press Conference and Doesn't Let Blair Talk, As Is Apparent Through Blair's Hand Signalling.

Hussain Soon Gives The A Warning To The Allies, "I've got a Kookaburra and I'm Not Afraid To Use It."

But Soon His Faithful Bat Is No Match For A Bloody Great Missile. Nasser Skillfully Misses This One, Which Went On To Hit His Leg Stump and Send Him Back To The Pavillion.

George W Looks On, and Considers A Possible Field Change To Accomodate With Hussain's Defensive Style.

The Retaliation Soon Begins, As Hussain Directs His War Planes Towards The White House.

But Blair Steams In With A Yorker and Clears Up Nassers Off Stump. BOWLED HIM!!!

With The War Seemingly Being Out of Hussain's Reach, Nasser Starts To Take Prisoners of War From Outside Lords

George W Bush soon loses his temper, and threatens to "shove a giraffe up Hussain's arse." This was met by many questions from the press; How big was the giraffe? How big was Hussain's arse? Had this ever been attempted on shows such as Record Breakers or You Bet Hosted by the marvellous Matthew Kelly (help)?

Soon, Links Between Hussain and Osama Bin Laden Become Apparent, and The War Had To End

And After A Particularly Vicious Over From Chris Carter's Mate Jack Straw, Hussain Surrendered and The War Was Over.